Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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