Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
