The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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