he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
