if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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