That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
