who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
