She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
