I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
