In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
