i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
