God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
