Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
