please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
