Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
