You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
