He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
