Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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