Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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