gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
