she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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