you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
