We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
