five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
