Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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