I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
