I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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