we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
