soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
