I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
