??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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