He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
