you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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