420 ftw
We had to coat check the pizza.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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