I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
