i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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