I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
