I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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