pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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