remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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