the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
