I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
