i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
