some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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