At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
