My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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