every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
