What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
