I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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