I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
